Dreaming in Dreamland Too
by charleyreede
Summary: Wait, what?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Do I look like a wealthy Irishman? No? Then I guess I don't own Artemis Fowl . . .

Artemis Fowl the Second massaged his temples, internally groaning. Why was it that whenever anything important seemed to happen, Holly decided to visit? It wasn't that he didn't enjoy Holly's visits. No, he loved it when she could visit, though of course he never said anything. He bit into a thoughtfully into a salmon bagel sandwich. One of Holly's favorites.

Lately, it seemed whenever she visited, it was at the worst possible moments. Well, for Artemis, anyways.

Take last month, for example. Juliet had decided that Friday was "spa day" and that Artemis would have so much fun if he joined her. Even if Artemis hadn't found it incredibly demeaning and _effeminate_, he was busy re-building the plane he had crashed while being pursued by Opal Koboi during the time travel jaunts. But then Juliet had used big puppy eyes and begged Artemis to help her, because she didn't have any female company since the rest of the Fowls were in Disneyworld, because all her friends were out of town, because Butler had other _important_ things to do then to pay attention to his little sister and help her train . . . Honestly. You would've thought the girl had been deprived of human contact altogether.

So Artemis had relented, and Juliet had lavished all of her spa skills upon him. He had drawn the line at the nail-painting, though.

Holly hadn't even knocked or anything, just slipped in through a window. That's what had irked Artemis the most. Juliet had decided that Artemis' hair needed to be washed ("Arty, it would be so much easier to style if you would let me do this!" "Juliet, I think you're taking things a little too far . . . "), and Holly had stumbled upon a very petulant-looking Artemis, an extremely happy Juliet, and Artemis' hair carefully gelled into a mohawk.

Holly still hadn't gotten over the look on Artemis' face when he realized she was watching. _Oh yes, Holly, simply hilarious._

He really wished Holly wasn't wearing her helmet at that time, recording everything. He could just imagine Foaly at his computer, laughing. He ground his teeth. _One of these days_, he thought. _One of these days I am going to get Holly back -_

A knock startled him out his reverie. "Come in," he mumbled around a mouthful of sandwich, wiping the crumbs off his mouth.

"Hey, Artemis," Holly greeted him tiredly. Artemis swung his chair around to greet his friend, and was shocked. Holly looked horrible. Her helmet was tucked between her arm and waist, giving Artemis an unobstructed view of her face. Her eyes had huge purple bags under them, and her skin was sallow, as though she hadn't slept since their last meeting. She looked like she was struggling to keep her eyes open.

Holly yawned a huge, headsplitting yawn, and, without warning, toppled facedown on the carpet. Her helmet _thunked_ on the floor as it dropped from her grip. "Holly!" Artemis cried. He ran over to her, turning her over to see if she had hurt herself. He gazed at her peaceful face, almost awed by the beauty of it. Artemis shook his head, trying to focus.

He picked Holly up, gently cradling her in his arms. He was amazed by how light she was, though she was heavier than his younger brothers. Not that he picked them often, but still. Artemis walked to the hallway outside his study, standing above the ornate staircase. Now what?

"Butler!" he called, as loud as he dared.

The large manservant jogged to the edge of the staircase, craning his neck to look at Artemis. He had seen a lot of strange things at Fowl Manor, but one of the things he did not expect to see was Artemis cradling a sleeping Holly.

"It's not what you think," the young Irish teen said quickly, blushing slightly, but keeping his head up high. "She needs help."

"Are you alright?" Butler asked, walking briskly up the staircase. Artemis nodded.

"I'm fine, she's just asleep."

Butler reached the top of the stairs. "Do you want me to . . . ?"

Artemis shook his head quickly. "No, I have her. I just . . . Where should I put her? I need to talk to Foaly."

If Butler was confused, he didn't show it. "You should probably put her in the guest room. I'll make sure the maid doesn't go in there."

Artemis nodded again, walking swiftly toward the guest room to hid the heat that was blossoming to his face.

Authoress Notes: Okay, sorry to anyone who wanted to see the ending of my other story, _Well, Hello_ D:

But I got attacked by a plot bunny!! It was amazing!! (heh, that sounds so wrong . . . anyways) I PROMISE this story has an actual plot behind it (hence the plot bunny)!

Also, I think Artemis is acting a little OOC. And that it ended a little abruptly. I dunno. What do you think? Maybe you should tell me IN A REVIEW??!!! I THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA, DON'T YOU? YES? THEN REVIEW!! make my day, o beautiful reviewer:)

I haven't written a second chapter yet, so it might take a while to update for anyone who wants me to. Sorry 'bout that. 3

love, charley (and akane )


	2. Chapter 2

Authoress Notes: Okay, I did NOT like that other chapter. At all. MEH. So here's to hoping this one is so much better xD

Oh, and I forgot to name chapter 1 . . . Sorry about that D:

Disclaimer: Let the suing begin! (Aha . . . just kidding. Don't own Artemis Fowl.)

Chapter 2: To Sleep or Not To Sleep

The Guest Bedroom

Artemis carefully laid Holly on the large bed. He didn't want to move her to put her under the blankets, so he reached for a fleece blanket from the nearby closet, standing on his tiptoes in order to reach it. Artemis draped it over her sleeping form, and she automatically reached out for it, yanking it just over the tips of her pointy ears. Artemis smiled slightly.

He turned away from the elf, collapsing with a sigh into a nearby swivel chair. He sat there for a little while, thinking. Artemis swung the chair around to face a small wooden desk in the corner, where one of his many laptops sat quietly humming. He set up a live feed to Foaly's computer in order to talk to him. Thankfully, he was online. Said centaur's face appeared on the screen.

"Artemis!" he cried joyfully, setting down an overly large mug of coffee. "How . . . are . . ." his voice petered out as Artemis turned the chair around, giving Foaly a clear view of Holly's sleeping form.

Artemis's voice was calm. "She had just arrived at my house, on her way back from the Ritual, I assume, and she fell face-forward onto the carpet. Asleep. Most likely a case of extreme exhaustion." Artemis didn't want to give away his worry, but he was sure Foaly knew something about this.

Foaly's eyes were wide. "Good gods, Mud Boy. For a second there, I thought you had. . . " The centaur trailed of and shook his head. "She's been working her tail off, mainly just paperwork, but she's been staying late every time, almost for six months. . . When I say late, I mean almost till morning. I knew this would come back to her. Well, I can't do anything about it from here," he said regretfully, taking a sip of coffee. "_If_ it's just exhaustion. Keep Holly comfortable. Let her sleep. We can figure out what to do later, then. I'll tell Kelp . . . " Foaly broke off, sniggering.

"What?" asked Artemis. Foaly put a hand to his mouth and tried to contain his laughter, his figure shaking. "Oh, Artemis. I can't wait to see the Commander's face when I tell him that Holly is sleeping at your place!"

Artemis' face reddened. "Just tell him what happened!" he snapped. Foaly nodded once, a huge grin on his face, and terminated the link.

Artemis closed his eyes, sinking a little in his chair. Teenage hormones and comedian centaurs. How he hated them. Especially combined.

Suddenly, Holly screamed. Artemis' eyes snapped open. Holly was writhing inside the blanket, her hands clawing at it from the inside, crying out for someone to save her.

Artemis had been in to many situations like this to sit around and stare. He jumped up and ripped the blanket off of Holly. Her Shimmer Suit was wrinkled, and one of the sleeves had been pushed back to the elbow. Holly stopped moving as soon as the blanket was gone, breathing deeply. Her eyes opened slowly, revealing her mismatched eyes. Artemis froze, blanket in hand. She looked at Artemis, then at her surroundings, and burst into tears.

Artemis had absolutely no idea what to do. He had never seen Holly cry before. Well at least not this much.

Artemis wasn't even sure Holly was fully awake. He knew some people experienced symptoms like this. It was _night terrors, _instead of nightmares. Your worst nightmare over and over again. Well, at least they never remembered it in the morning. Holly most likely was having a night terror, but it was hard to tell with these kind of things. _Add to a list of things I don't know about Holly_, Artemis thought ruefully.

He crept closer, and sat tentatively on the side of the bed. Slowly, as if in slow motion, Artemis draped the blanket back over her shoulders, letting his hand remain there. Holly didn't react, seeming oblivious as she bawled into a pillow.

He started to rub his hand in a circle, hoping it would calm her. It was the only thing that came to mind. He had seen his mother do something like this to help one of the twins go back to sleep one night. Holly's cries subsided the more he rubbed, and soon she was back asleep. Artemis sighed in relief.

At least it _seemed _soon. Artemis glanced at his watch, and was surprised to find an hour had passed. Usually he had at least _some _sense of time, but then again usually fairies were not passing out in his house and sleeping in his guest bed.

Holly looked so peaceful. If the tear tracks on her cheeks weren't still there, Artemis wouldn't have believed it had just happened. The strangest things seemed to happen whenever he in Holly were in a room together. _Karma must really hate us_, Artemis thought.

Artemis yawned. He was tired, emotionally and physically. He hadn't gotten any sleep last night, thanks to two _helpful_ people( Myles and Beckett . . . oh, the wonders of caffeine). And his back ached, too. The swivel chair in here wasn't nearly as nice as the one in his study. Sitting hunched over Holly for an hour had not exactly helped, either. He stretched his arms, reaching out to the heavens before dropping his head in his hands. Maybe a little meditation would help. Butler would approve, he was sure.

Artemis scooted until all of him was on the bed. He rolled over to the other side of the bed and laid out flat, stretching his legs. Holly's arm was thrown out, and it just barely touched the edge of his stomach. He could've moved over, but he didn't.

Artemis took several deep breaths to try and achieve his perfect meditation state. It was starting to feel like he was taking a nap instead of meditation. He imagined a scene of him waking up next to Holly, right next to her. Oh gods. The embarrassment. But he would be waking up with her in his - no! He had to stop thinking like this. Holly didn't like him that way.

_Then why did she kiss you? _a little voice in his head asked. Artemis sighed again, and tried to not to think about it while trying to deep breathe again without falling asleep. It was hard. His eyelids were flickering, heavy with sleep. He tried to fight it, he really did, but almost 24 hours without sleep does that to you. _At least I don't look like Holly when she came in_, Artemis thought. He immediately felt bad for thinking such petty thoughts. Sleep was killing him.

Artemis realized he was fighting a losing battle. He turned on his side, his back facing Holly so he wouldn't wake up in an extremely embarrassing situation. _I hope Holly's not mad at me for this, _was Artemis' last thought before finally succumbing to his exhaustion and joining Holly in deep sleep.

Authoress Notes: Alright, I guess I'll have to A/N's today! Anyways . . . VERY VERY VERY SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING! Bad Charley!

Well, down in Maryland where I live, we got (in total) about 4 and a half feet of snow. So we just went back to school yesterday after 11 DAYS of no school. I am swamped with homework:P

They're calling it "Snowmageddon."

Well, anyways, now that you've read this, you should probably tell me what you thought of this story. OMG, what's gonna happen next What do you think?? You should probably tell me. MAYBE IN A REVIEW???!! HMMM?? YES??!! GOOD IDEA!!!

Tell me what you liked, didn't like, thought sounded weird, flow ideas, ANYTHING!!!

Okay . . . Agent Charley out. See you next mission . . . er, I mean chapter :


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Say it with me people! I DO NOT OWN ARTEMIS FOWL:O

Shocker, I know.

Chapter 3: Are You Kidding Me?

I'm Not Even Sure Where We Are At This Point

Artemis awoke abruptly, breathing hard. He felt like something terrible had just happened, and he couldn't remember it all. It bothered Artemis greatly. Oh well. _Better not to dwell on it_, he thought. He hoped Holly hadn't woken up yet. Knowing Holly, it was hard to tell. It was going to be awkward either way, so he decided to just get over it.

He stretched luxuriously, preferring not to open his eyes. His arms hit wall behind his head while his feet touched a warm body, probably Holly's.

Wait. Holly's? How had she gotten down there? Artemis sat up quickly. At the foot of the bed was not Holly, but a medium-sized Dalmatian, asleep. For a long time, Artemis just stared at the dog, apprehension growing in his stomach. How . . . ?

And then he looked around. This was not the guest room they had been sleeping in the night before. It didn't look like _any_ room in Fowl Manor. The only explanation he could think of was Butler moving him to another room for whatever reason in the middle of the night, but that was so unlikely he didn't even consider it.

It looked like a regular teenage boy's room, with a nice desk and chair, posters on the wall, clothes strewn next to a large closet, a fish tank, and two windows, both with the shades drawn. There was even a large magnetic board covered with papers and photos on the wall above the desk. It looked cozy. That is, if you lived there.

Artemis was dumbfounded. Which didn't happen often, but was starting to happen more and more, recently. Who could have done this? _Why? _Maybe if he just went back to sleep . . . but Artemis was sure this wasn't a dream. His dreams weren't this vivid, or this confusing. Artemis wanted to get up and look around, but if someone really had trapped him here, there would be pressure pads beneath the white flokati rug right next to the bed, and cameras in the corners, locks on the doors and windows . . .

Artemis couldn't see any cameras or locks from his position on the bed. Maybe they hid it in the posters or something. That was highly possible. But Artemis didn't get up. He decided there was no way someone would kidnap him in his sleep, and take him to this weird . . . _boy's _room. Really, what would they do with him? Well, Artemis could think of several answers to that question. But still. It just couldn't be a dream. It just couldn't be. It was too . . . real.

Artemis decided the best thing to do right now was to go back to sleep, and hope Holly had already escaped or something. Besides, judging from the gray light filtering through the edges of shades, it was still pretty early. Maybe around five o' clock.

Artemis turned on his side. But try as he might, he just couldn't back to sleep.

A/N: Hah, I bet you thought it ended there, didn't you? Gotcha;)

A banging on the door startled Artemis out of his reverie. He sat up, as did the dog. It wagged its tail and barked happily.

Artemis did not know much about dogs. He had never had one, nor had he ever really wanted one. Artemis Fowl was not an animal person. "No!" he whispered firmly to the dog. He had read somewhere that a firm voice should always be used when training. Unfortunately, the dog just looked at him and whined, then resumed barking, not moving from its spot on the bed.

The door flew open, and two younger boys burst in. The dog jumped off the bed(using Artemis' legs as a springboard) and started to jump and lick the faces of the boys.

"Down, Oreo! Down!" cried one.

"No, Oreo, up! Lick his face off!" cried the other. Artemis was shocked. First of all, there were two random children in his room. Second, these kids had American accents. New England, if his ears were right. The weird thing was, although Artemis couldn't see their faces very well, what with the dog - Oreo - practically jumping on their faces, they had shocks of black hair, very similar to Artemis'.

Finally, one pushed the dog off his lap and jumped on Artemis' bed, yelling something. Artemis just stared. Now really got a shock. If he didn't know any better, he would say that this kid looked just like-

"Myles! It's my turn to jump on Arty's bed!"

"Is not, Beckett! There's not _turns_ for this kind of thing. First come, first serve!" Myles stuck his tongue out at Beckett, then turned to face Artemis, who was still staring in shock. Beckett glared at Myles from on the floor. "I hope you fall!"

Myles stuck his tongue out again and resumed his jumping. "Guess what, Arty? No school! IT'S SNOWING!" he cried.

Artemis drew his legs back to prevent them from being jumped on. "That's . . . great." he said softly, then clapped his hands to his mouth in horror. His Irish accent. Gone. Just like that. Artemis started whispering Aristotle quotes to test out his accent. Not a trace of Irish. And what's worse, he had a slight lisp. Myles stopped jumping.

"You okay, Arty?"

Artemis was finally hit full-on by the strangeness of the situation. Somehow, he was in this . . . alternate reality where he was . . . _American_. And his - dare he say it? - _brothers_ were almost ten years old. Was Holly even in this world? Did fairies even exist? How did he end up here? How could he ever hope of going back to his old world? Was he even in a new world to begin with? Artemis was unnerved by these questions swirling through his head. Perhaps he could get some answers . . . But now was time for Artemis Fowl to do some acting.

Myles was now sitting in Artemis' lap and waving a hand in front of his face. "Hello? Arty? Arty?" Apparently no one called him by his real name here either. That was disappointing. Beckett clambered on the bed to join his brother. It was crazy how identical he and Myles were.

"Arty? Arty? I'm gonna call you by your real name if you don't snap out of it!" Apparently he didn't even _like_ to be called by his real name. How odd.

Beckett and Myles looked at each other and nodded. "ARTEMIS!" they yelled.

Artemis pretended to shake his head like he had been daydreaming. "Hello, children. Good morning." He internally winced. It sounded awkward, even to his ears.

Myles and Beckett stared at him like he'd grown an extra head. Then they burst out laughing.

"You're so-" began Myles.

"Weird!" finished Beckett.

Artemis shrugged, trying to look nonchalant and failing.

"Well, anyways-"

"Mom's making pancakes and-"

"She wants you to come downstairs-"

"So we can have-"

"A family breakfast!" They finished. Artemis just stared at them.

"Do you always do that?" he asked, disliking his new voice.

"What?" asked Myles, with a mischievous grin on his face. "You mean-"

"Finishing each others sentences?" Beckett finished, with an equally mischievous grin.

Artemis sighed, his perfunctory nature coming through. After all, these people were (apparently) his brothers. "If you're going downstairs, you should at least be dressed first."

Myles laughed. "Yeah, right. I like my pajamas where they are - on my butt!"

Beckett laughed too. "You know you're wearing pajamas too, right Arty?" He rolled over on his side, putting his head in Artemis' lap. Artemis was surprised. His family was not touchy-feely. Sure his mother gave out lots of hugs, but things like this were rare at Fowl Manor. He let it be.

Artemis looked down. He was wearing a white wifebeater and (he pulled back the covers) plaid flannel pants. In fact, when Artemis looked down at himself, he realized he was a bit more muscular than he remembered. He flexed his arms in wonder.

"Do I play a sport or something?" he asked, half to himself. Huh. That was weird. Artemis Fowl had perfect grammar and never spoke like that. Something was going on here. Artemis felt like he was slowly losing his identity. He tried to hold on to it.

Myles rolled his eyes. "No! You totally do _not_ play lacrosse at all!" Beckett snorted.

Artemis half-glared at them. "You think you're really funny, don't you?" There it was again!

Beckett laughed, his head lolling in Artemis' lap. "I don't think I'm funny."

Artemis smiled at him. "Good."

"I _know _I'm funny!" he giggled, hysterical.

Artemis had to laugh at that one.

He glanced down at his body again. He was also a bit more tan then before. Nothing major, just not the bleached-pale-snow-vampire-skin he had before. Artemis frowned. The muscles were nice - maybe he could actually use some form of self-defense now - but the tan was just weird.

The twins left abruptly, bringing the dog with them and pulling the door shut. "Hurry up, Arty!" called Beckett.

"Yeah, Mom made chocolate chip! Your faaaaaavorite!" Myles said, drawing out the last syllable in a ridiculously high voice.

The pounding of their feet faded away, and Artemis was left alone in silence.

A/N: Talk about plot twist, huh? Okay, I'm really really sorry I ended it so abruptly - I didn't have any time to fix it. I'm a little pressed for time, if you know what I mean. And I'm sorry for the huge long wait, this chapter was a total bitch to write -.-

REVIEW!! PLEASE PRESS THAT LIL GREEN BUTTON OVER THERE!! I WILL NOT BE POSTING ANOTHER CHAPTER UNTIL I GET 5 REVIEWS FOR THIS CHAPTER!!!

I didn't have as much time to edit this as I would have liked, so please tell me anything you think I messed up on or something like that.

Alright. Peace out.

Love, charley:)

p.s. HI MOM!!!


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Now this is a story all about how I DON'T OWN ARTEMIS FOWL and I'd like to take a minute, just sit down there . . .

(p.s. I don't own the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air either. Unfortunately.)

Warnings: OOCness in, like, everyone. (That's why it's called AU!)

Chapter 4

To Wear Ridiculous Clothes, or Not To (Or Something Like That)

Artemis stared at the closet, almost afraid to open it. But he couldn't go downstairs without getting dressed first. That was a rule that had been drilled into his head by his father early on. He wondered briefly if his parents were worried about him, until he remembered that they were in Disneyworld with the twins. For once, he was glad that they were gone.

A voice interrupted his thoughts from far away, probably from downstairs. Or upstairs. He wasn't really sure where he was.

"Arty? Breakfast!" Artemis would recognize that voice anywhere. It was his mother. He sucked in a breath and tried to calm his suddenly racing heart. His mother was here. It wasn't really a surprise to him. It only confirmed his suspicions. If his mother was here, his father had to be, too. That was a rational explanation. Artemis could only hope that Butler was here as well. He would need some sort of plan if he was going to meet any one of them. How could he hope to explain sudden memory loss of . . . well, everything in this place. He didn't know how long he was staying or why or how or when. He really hated not having any facts or even any sort of basis to guess why he was here.

Judging by his room, this family(his family, he reminded himself) was about upper-middle class. Nowhere near enough to afford a bodyguard like Butler. Artemis sighed.

"Arty? I'm not going to call you again!" his mother called. Artemis took a deep, calming breath. There would be time (hopefully) later to ponder his problem.

"Coming, Mother, er, Mom!" he called, wincing at his mistake. _Act like a teenager, _he thought. _That means no changing into other clothes. Do what Juliet would do. _He inwardly smiled at the thought of the teenage bodyguard. _No! Focus on the task at hand._

Artemis took another deep breath and swallowed fourteen years of discipline and etiquette. He walked to the door and pulled it open, revealing a long hallway, covered with pictures of the family. The picture right across from Artemis' door was him as a twelve-year-old, surrounded by family inside a fancy restaurant. There was a large mural behind them, covered with fairies and flowers. Very picturesque. The picture had probably been at the same time he was planning the good Captain Holly Short's kidnapping. Artemis had to smile at the irony.

He walked down the hallway, noticing the various open doors. He peered into each, revealing a couple of kid's bedrooms and a nice bathroom. It always helped to know your surroundings. Butler would approve, he was sure.

He turned the corner, to a large room with white slanted ceilings. The room looked like a den, with an L-couch and a TV, along with toys scattered across the floor. It was a fairly nice house by anyone's standards, but Artemis Fowl the Second was not anyone. It was mediocre house if _he_ ever saw one.

It was very open and bright, and on the other side, right across the room, a staircase wound its way downstairs. Artemis had to squint at the bright light slanting in through the huge windows across the staircase, some feet above what he supposed was the front door. He leaned against the railing and looked down. There was a large hallway down there, leading underneath the den. The sounds of talking and frying spilled from it.

"Arty! I'm eating your pancakes!" yelled Beckett.

Artemis didn't reply, just raced downstairs. His feet seemed to know where to go. Artemis had a vague feeling that he had knew this place, but pushed it away, because his stomach and feet seemed to be in control, not his brain.

***

Artemis stood awkwardly by the doorway while everyone bustled around. The hiss of the fryer, the whirr or of the blender, and the hum of a microwave added to the din of talk and laughter from the kitchen. The short burst of random - knowledge? energy? - had abandoned him, and he wondered why he had bothered coming downstairs in the first place.

Angeline stood at a stove, simultaneously frying eggs and stirring a pot full of grits. Steam curled off the stove and pressed against the darkened skylight, which was covered with snow. Sliding glass doors revealed a winter wonderland already covered with a foot of snow and still falling fast. A forest in the distance only added to the effect. Artemis had never seen this much snow in his life. Sure, he'd seen pictures of it, but most of his time was spent in Ireland and there was hardly ever any snow there. He was amazed by its beauty.

"Arty! Don't just stand there! Help your brothers set the table!" his mother called over her shoulder. Artemis' father was cooking next to her, flipping pancakes with surprising grace. His mouth dropped open. Artemis Fowl, Sr, cooking a family meal? Artemis swallowed his astonishment and his feet carried him to an kitchen island. Artemis pulled open random drawers, looking for the silverware. It had to be in here somewhere. It didn't occur to him for a second to disobey her, or to think about what he was doing.

"Honestly, Arty, how long have you lived here? You know where the utensils are, stop messing around." his father chided, turning around to quickly reach over Artemis' shoulder and open the drawer he was just about to open. Artemis scowled, and grabbed the necessary silverware. So this was what being a teenager felt like.

"I got it, Dad," he said, grabbing the necessary amount of forks and knives. "I know where it is."

Artemis was horrified at himself. He could not believe the words had just come out of his mouth. _I got it, Dad? _What was that? Where was grammar? And _Dad_? Father. Not Dad. Artemis had never, in his entire life, spoken the words _Daddy _or _Dad._ But . . . he kind of liked them, now that he actually got a chance to use them.

Artemis felt like this was a place with no consequences, where he could use bad grammar and be a normal teenager. He almost snorted. Normal. But still. He could try.

"Dad," he whispered, trying out the word. "Daddy, Dad, Daddy. Dad." It sounded odd in his new accent, which was still extraordinarily annoying. Americans weren't that bad, but Artemis Fowl the Second, American? He shuddered inwardly.

He started to set the table, laying the forks and knives in the appropriate place.

Suddenly, a small body hit his from behind, causing him to lose his grip on the chair he was leaning on and hit his head on the table. He didn't feel anything for amount, until the throbbing pain nearly blinded him. Artemis thought he was going to pass out for a second.

"Oh, Arty - I'm so sorry - I didn't mean to hit you! Myles ran in to me and I tripped! Is your head okay? I'm sorry!" Beckett wailed. His mother was oblivious to the scene, still cooking madly, but his father glanced up with a surprised expression. He looked at Artemis on the floor. _You alright?_ he mouthed. Artemis nodded, gingerly touching his head. It didn't seem to be too serious. He picked himself up with ease, thanks to his newfound muscles. Beckett's eyes were watering.

Artemis didn't like seeing his (new) little brother upset, who started to cry as if he had been the one to hit his head instead of Artemis. Time to do what Arty would have done. Artemis let this pushing personality out, as though it had been hiding under his skin since he had woken.

Artemis pulled his brother into a hug, ruffling his hair like he had done so long ago. "It's okay, Beckett. I know it was an accident."

Myles peeked from the side of the kitchen, on the floor. He mouthed _oops _to Artemis and crawled backwards out of sight.

Beckett wiped his tears away and said defiantly "My contacts fell out, in case you were wondering. I wasn't crying."

Artemis grabbed Beckett a tissue, wiping away the rest of the tears. He smiled. Which to any one else would have looked slightly vampiric(as it usually did) but to Beckett this was Artemis' normal smile. "Well maybe we can look for your contacts after - "

"Breakfast! Everyone sit down!" called Angeline, setting a pan on the table. Beckett immediately took the nearest seat, patting the one next to him for Artemis to sit. Myles glared at Beckett from underneath the table. Artemis wasn't sure how he got there. He made to sit down, careful not to lean on the chair too much.

Breakfast was delicious. Artemis had had pancakes before, and maybe chocolate chip pancakes when he was younger, but he had never really been able to fully enjoy chocolate chip pancakes. He ate three before remembering to breathe. Angeline was as good as a cook as she had been at Fowl Manor, although granted she had never cooked a meal as big as this.

Myles and Beckett ate with the same gusto and about the same amount of manners as they did at Fowl Manor as two-year-olds. Artemis was slightly repulsed by this, but not as much as he would have been at home.

_You are home_, said a little voice in his head. Artemis choked on his bacon. His father patted him on the back, and Artemis tried not to focus on home and its meaning.

There wasn't a lot of talk at the table, only the sounds of silverware chinking and mouths chewing. Artemis finished first, even with his perfect manners, and sipped a glass of orange juice delicately to end the meal. He tried to forget the voice. Maybe he was going crazy.

* * *

"Alright, Arty. You lucked out to today. Since I'm home and your friends are bound to be here any second, you're free of dishes this morning. But tonight you'll be doing 'em, okay?" Artemis Sr. said, standing at the sink. Artemis had left his plate on the counter and hadn't bothered to do anything else with it, as his father had taken it out of his hands when he tried to put in the sink.

"Fine," he paused, and swallowed. "Dad."

Artemis stared at the window despondently, watching the snow fall and wishing Butler was here.

A doorbell surprised him, jerking his attention down the hallway to the front door. Artemis had never had someone knock on the door without his knowing of it. What with Butler, the security cameras, and the fact that people usually made appointments or something. So it was quite an unnerving feeling for Artemis to find that he didn't know who it was. It could be an assassin and he would never know until he was dead. Well, then he would be dead, but you get the point.

The doorbell rang again, sounding impatient. Artemis' father looked up. "Arty, get that, will you?"

Artemis nodded and approached the door hesitantly. He tried to see who was standing outside, but he couldn't see through the windows. It was really quite unsettling. The doorbell rang for the third time insistently. This time, Angeline leaned over the railing at the top of the steps with a bathrobe and a* towel on her head*, clearly having just come out of the shower.

"Arty," she said, annoyed. "Jus open the door. It's probably one of your friends. I don't know why you've been acting so odd today." Artemis just nodded, and she turned away.

He braced himself and pulled open the door. A girl bundled up in a coat and hat grinned at him. She stepped inside and closed the door behind her. Artemis could not believe what he was seeing. He was dumfounded.

"Hey, Arty," Holly said, removing her hat. "What's up?"

A/N: Ooh, another cliffy! I'm so evil! *inserts evil laugh*

Akane: Mwahahahaha!

little asterisk thingy*towel on her head* - when I say that, I think there's another word for it, but I couldn't think of it. Any ideas?

Alright, I thought a couple parts were shaky, I dunno.

You should probably tell me what you think. IN A REVIEW, YES??? REVIEW, POR FAVOR?? (That's Spanish for please, in case you didn't know. I speak a little Spanish, if you wish to converse with me. But not too much. I'm only in Spanish 2 Honors, you know.)

Anyways, where was I? Oh, yes, REVIEW!! Don't you just love how subtle I am??

SHOUTOUT TO MAH REVIEWERZ:

yarra, belfan, ForeverDay, Kitsune Heart, aluap96, myfriendscallmecrazy, EBM, bored out of my mind, TexasDreamer01, Too Lazy To Sign In, Emowrek(love you!), Wilted_Luna, MathiasMatt(please don't be a sad panda ) and last but certainly not least, NerdySkeleton, who is the winner of a contest I just made up in my head for making me laugh the most. I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH!!

Okay, peeps. Freak out.

Love, Charley:)


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Kehe tsololam Artemis Fowl. Tse'a? (That means I don't own Artemis Fowl in the Na'vi language, from Avatar. That movie is SO good. I'm such a nerd, I went and looked it up. If you've seen it, you should know what I'm talking about. Give me a shout-out if you have. YAY RANDOMNESS:)**

**Warnings: The OOCness continues on!**

Chapter 5

Alright, Now I Know The Universe Is Screwing With Me

"Well?" asked Holly. "Aren't you going to say hi?"

Artemis could not believe what he was seeing. His mouth hung open. It was Holly.

But, at the same time, not Holly. She wasn't a fairy. She was a regularly sized human being, same looks, except for longer hair and bangs. And obviously, taller and with rounder ears. Her eyes were the same sparkling hazel color.

Holly's smile faded. "Are you okay, Arty?" she asked, concern coloring her voice. "You look like you've seen a ghost or something!"

Artemis shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. His palms were sweating like crazy. Holly was here. As a human. And she even looked his age! Fourteen years old, Holly was pretty, that he couldn't deny. But it wasn't right. Holly was at least a seventy years older than him - although she never acted it. But he hadn't asked himself the most important question. Was this the real Holly, trapped inside a human body, or a real human version of Holly?

Unfortunately, this last thought came a little too late as Artemis exclaimed "Holly! Thank Frond, I found you!" He made to embrace her, then clapped his hands to his mouth. _Why did I do that? _Artemis thought. _What if it's not the real Holly? And why am I using excessive punctuation?_

Holly looked utterly confused. "You . . . found me? What are you talking about? And who the hell is Frond?"

Artemis' heart dropped. It wasn't Holly.

But in some form, it still was. Artemis refused to believe that no (fairy) Holly existed. This was her - just in a different form without memories of being a fairy. Holly said something else, but it didn't register. He was too busy taking it all in. Holly, human. Family, American. Twins, grown up. It was all so terrifyingly real . . . (Total wtf moment for Artemis . . . haha).

Holly-the-human waved a hand in Artemis' face. "Hello? Arty? Anyone home? I'm trying to talk to you, and you're kind of ignoring me." Well. She hadn't lost any of her spunk either. He kept expecting her to call him Mud Boy any second. Holly stood waiting, her hands on her hips.

He plastered a fake smile on his face, which turned into a real smile. Artemis was genuinely happy to see Holly. . . even if it wasn't actually her.

"I'm fine, Holly," he said in what he hoped was a reassuring tone of voice. "Just got some . . . _stuff_ on my mind."

Holly opened her mouth to say something, then decided against it. She gave him a look and started taking off her coat and gloves.

Artemis, Sr. came striding into the foyer. "Holly! I thought I heard your lovely voice! How are you, babe? Haven't heard from you in a while! Almost two whole days!" He wrapped her in a bear hug. Artemis wasn't as shocked by the fact his father had called someone(Holly, no less) _babe _as by the fact that he had given another human being a hug. Holly seemed completely unperturbed. She smiled once he had released her.

"Hey, Mr. Tim. Good to see you too." Whoa. _Mr. Tim?_ It was fitting for the man standing in front of him who called human-Holly _babe _and had a suburban house. Not for the real Artemis Fowl Senior. It was a silly name. No formality in it.

Artemis Sr. spoke to Artemis this time, grabbing his son by the shoulders. "Moa, you're babysitting today, so make sure when you leave today, you bring Myles and Beckett wit you, okay?"

Artemis wasn't sure what "moa" meant, probably just some pet name, but it was kind of weird. Then what his father had said sunk in. _Babysitting. _Artemis had never watched the twins without anyone being with him. Never completely alone with any children. Holly seemed to notice his discomfort, but didn't say anything. Somewhere, he could hear Oreo barking and the twins shouting, but he tried to focus on Holly and his father.

She sat down on the floor and started to pry her boots off. Artemis Sr. looked down at her and winked. "Help him, will you, Holly? We don't want a repeat of last week."

She grinned at the memory and winked back. "No problem, Mr. Tim."

Artemis wondered briefly wondered what had happened last time, then decided he didn't want to know. Holly giggled. Artemis Sr. turned to go upstairs, then came back down again. "I forgot. There's hot water in the kettle, on the stove, in case you kids want some hot chocolate. I know that both of you know where the hot chocolate mix is, but the marshmallows are in the bottom cabinet, okay?"

Both teens nodded, and he went upstairs. "We'll be up here if you need us, alright, Arty?"

Artemis nodded again, and he disappeared into the den. An awkward silence built up. Artemis took the initiative and spoke first.

"So . . . " he began, scratching the back of his head. "You . . . want to go get some hot chocolate? I'll make it." Why was this so awkward to him? It used to be so natural. He was just talking with the Holly. Nothing out of the ordinary that challenged his genius.

Holly stood up, brushing the last of the snow out of her hair. "That sounds great. It's pretty effing cold outside."

Artemis walked to the kitchen, leading the way, though judging by the way his father greeted Holly, she probably knew this place better than he did. He was a little surprised at that . . . _meeting, _but then again everything that happened here seemed to surprise him. Like Holly's language, as she cursed when she stubbed her toe into a chair.

Just as his father had said, there was a kettle with steam pouring out of its spout sitting on the stove. Holly hoisted herself up on the counter next to the stove, rubbing her toes. Artemis' hands went to a top cabinet. For a second, he thought he knew why his hands were guiding him around like this. They had made this move a thousand times, because he lived here. And then the feeling passed, and Artemis felt stupid for thinking that. He had never been before in his life.

Artemis grabbed two cream-colored mugs and the box of Swiss Miss, putting them in the little space between Holly and the electric stove. She glanced at them, then resumed rubbing her toes. Neither of them spoke.

He squatted next to a bottom cabinet and pulled out a packet of marshmallows. He really felt he knew where all this stuff was, but yet didn't at the same time. It was a very confusing feeling.

There wasn't any room left on the counter for the marshmallows, so he shoved it in Holly's hands.

"Hold, please," he commanded, taking the mugs so he could pour the hot water into them. Holly kicked him lightly, making him almost drop the mugs. He turned to glare at her, and she smiled. "Hurry up, slave," she said. "Or you'll be forced to spend an eternity with the evil ones!" Holly paused, waiting for him to laugh.

Artemis realized this probably some sort of inside joke between them, and it might've been funny if he had any idea what she was talking about. He smiled half-heartedly, which did not seem to appease her, as she frowned.

"You okay, Arty?" she asked. "I know I keep asking you this, but you've been acting _really _strange . . . Almost like you're a whole different person!" He almost snorted. If only she knew.

"No, Holly, I'm fine," he said in a somewhat distracted tone as he poured the mix into the cups. Holly looked confused and angry at the same time. She leapt nimbly off the counter to face Artemis, who didn't turn around.

"No, you're not fine! You've been acting really weird! It's like your keeping a secret from me, except more than that! It's like . . . you . . . you're . . .

" Her accusation trailed off as she searched for the right words. She switched moods fast, going from upset to accusatory to thoughtful. _It must be that time of month_, Artemis thought, grinning on the inside. (Typical teenage guy excuse!)

He didn't turn around to look at her, preferring to stir the hot chocolates instead.

An awkward silence built up. Artemis kept stirring even though the mix had long since settled. Holly's sniff broke the silence. He turned around, Holly's mug in hand. She looked up, and wiped her eyes with the back of hand. He handed her a mug wordlessly.

"I'm sorry," she sniffed, leaning against the counter and putting the mug on the counter behind her. "It's just, you know, with my mom . . . " She choked off, and burst into tears, flinging her arms around Artemis' neck and burying her face in his shoulder. Artemis was understandably shocked. He slowly moved his arms up and patted her on her back. Sheesh. Even in different worlds-dimensions-wherever-the-hell-he-was, Holly still had to sob uncontrollably. He wondered randomly if they were dating. That was a possibility, and would explain why Holly was sobbing into his shoulder in such close proximity. Then he decided she would probably act this way even if they weren't dating.

"I . . . miss . . . her . . . so . . . much!" she wailed, gripping him like her life depended on it. Artemis remembered how Holly's mother had died of Spelltropy when she was a teenager. He wondered what she had died of here.

"I know it's been almost a year, but . . . but . . . with Foaly moving in, I . . . I . . . " She broke off as a fresh wave of sobs shook her body. Artemis was a little taken aback. Foaly was here? And moving _in _with Holly? Was he the same age as her here? What the heck was going on? He was so confused.

She drew back, and grabbed a nearby tissue, wiping her eyes and face. "Sorry," she apologized, doing that mood-switch thing again while looking at him. "I know you know, but Foaly's moving in tomorrow. And it just reminds me of when _she _was still alive. I know you know that too, but sometimes it just helps to say it aloud. Oh, and sorry about your shoulder, I think you might want a couple of tissues for that . . . "

Artemis glanced at his shoulder. A mixture of saliva, tears, and mucus rested on his shoulder. _Now, that's just disgusting_, he thought, quickly grabbing the tissues from Holly's hands and wiping it off.

Holly noticed his revulsion and blushed, completely back to normal. "I said I was sorry."

Artemis dabbed a tissue under the faucet, gently wiping off the last of the gooey substance. "Think nothing of it."

Holly raised an eyebrow. " 'Think nothing of it?' Why are you talking like that?" She walked to the sink and splashed some water on her face. "By the way, why are you still in your pajamas? Don't you want to go outside?"

Artemis sighed, and collapsed into the nearest chair. If he was going to answer that question, he would have to tell her the truth. He wanted to trust Holly, he really did. But how could he give a reasonable explanation without sounding crazy?

"Holly," he began, running a hand through his midnight hair. The change in his tone made Holly look up from her face-washing. "I'm going to tell you something. Everything. Why I'm acting so strange. But you're going to have to trust me. Everything I'm about to say is the truth. If you don't believe me and think I'm crazy, fine. Just don't tell my parents, whether you believe me or not, okay?"

Holly dried her hands and face on a nearby towel, her expression thoughtful. Artemis thought for sure she would bolt for it.

"Alright," she said slowly. "I'm going to trust you on this one, Arty, only because you're acting so weird, but you were never that great of actor."

Artemis felt like jumping and screaming "YES!", which was extremely uncharacteristic for him, but he was so happy, he didn't mind. He couldn't believe it.

Holly gestured toward the hallway, toward another room he had not yet investigated. "Let's go in here." she said.

Artemis followed her down a couple of steps into what seemed like a home theater system; extremely comfy-looking couches, huge-ass TV, mini fridge and microwave. _Nice, _he found himself thinking. _No! It's regular! Nothing out of the ordinary._

Holly settled herself in one of the corners, where two huge beanbags sat. She patted the one next to her, motioning for Artemis to sit. He eyed it distastefully. Beanbag chairs were an abomination, in his opinion. They belonged in the 70's. But he sat down anyway, sinking into it. Even if it was hideous, it was quite comfortable. Artemis closed his eyes and rested his head until Holly elbowed him.

"This is explaining time, Arty. Not naptime." she said, her expression serious.

Artemis sat forward and drew his knees close. And he began to talk. He told Holly of the existence of fairies, magic, who she was, what Haven was, who all her friends were. He told her who he was, the kidnapping, the siege at Fowl Manor, the gold and his wish, the Arctic expedition, the B'wall Kell rebellion, the loss of her finger, the rescue and revitalization of Artemis Fowl Sr. He explained about Butler's death and revival, the Jon Spiro incident, the mind wipe, all about Opal Koboi and the death of Commander Root and the Eleven Wonders. He spoke about the demon's appearances, all about Hydras, No1, Leon Abbott, the museum and Minerva Paradizo, the time stream and the how their eyeballs became the way the way they are now. He spoke of his brothers (the ones at Fowl Manor), Spelltropy, the other time stream, Rathdown Park, the kiss (he blushed a lot at this part), Jayjay, the two Artemis's and Opal's working against each other, and, finally, the passing out at his house and sleeping in his guest bed.

Holly asked lots of questions, laughing, wiping away a tear or two, and snorting in disbelief at all the things she and her "friends" had supposedly done.

" . . . And when I woke up, I was here. I was so surprised to wake up into . . . this place." he finished.

Holly stared at Artemis, who determinedly looked into her eyes. He wasn't sure what her final reaction to this would be. She seemed to be thinking more into the future of his words rather than what he actually sad, but he wasn't sure.

"Artemis . . . I don't know what to say." she said finally. "Well, actually I do. I believe you. I really doubt you could make up that story on your own. But . . . I think we need some sort of plan."

Artemis was confused. A plan for what? He wasn't even sure why he was confused. He should not be confused. He was Artemis Fowl the Second. There should never be confusion with something as simple as this. He felt like screaming, 'What's wrong with me? I'm losing my identity!' Which, for all the confusion and loss of identity going around, was not an unreasonable feeling.

But he didn't do that. Instead, he asked carefully, "What plan?" Holly fingered a loose thread on the neon blue beanbag she was sitting on.

"Well . . . I mean, I think all your friends are going to notice if you don't recognize any of them. It's a good thing you're not dating anyone right now. We have to have some sort of excuse." Artemis opened his mouth to give a much better idea, but Holly shushed him with a hand over his mouth. He glared at her, and she smiled sweetly.

"Now, as I was saying, we need to have an excuse for your friends. Not the teachers, though. From what you told me, I think you can manage pretty well on your own with that." Artemis smirked underneath Holly's hand, and she tightened her grip.

"Stop looking so smug," she commanded. She didn't bother to follow up with her command. Holly removed her hand from his mouth and concentrated the thread again, then looked up suddenly with an excited expression on her face. "What?" asked Artemis, secretly dreading the answer.

Holly leaned back and clapped her hands in glee, smiling in satisfaction. "I'll get to re-introduce you to everybody! It'll be so much fun! We can meet everyone around the neighborhood. I can give you a quiz at the end of the day! But then we'll have to go to school tomorrow. . . " She trailed off, her expression thoughtful. "Oh yeah, well, since I'm in all your classes except one, that won't be much of a problem."

Artemis was not looking forward to this. He was going to have to meet people he supposedly already knew, and go through all the trial and errors of them thinking he was crazy or whatever notion they wanted to entertain of his sudden memory loss. This was going to suck.

Holly sat up, decisive. "Alright, that's what we'll do. Go get dressed and meet me outside your house in ten minutes, okay? We have to bring the twins, so don't forget them. Oh, and in case you were wondering, all your snow stuff is in the foyer closet, kay?"

Artemis didn't say anything. He just stared. Holly seemed to accept this as confirmation. She jumped up and ran out the room without a backwards glance. "See you in a few!" Holly called over her shoulder as she ran out the door. It was happening way too fast.

Artemis put his head in his hands and groaned.

**A/N: So, whatdja think? Pretty nifty, right? (Yes, I just said nifty) Alright, sorry for the huge-ass long update time , but it looks like they're all going to be this long. Sorry, but with school and the competition coming up . . . no tengo tiempo.(That means I don't have time in Spanish. I speak in Spanish a lot, so get used to it.)**

**Mmkay, I'm not really sure what I thought of this chapter. It's kind of a mixed feeling.**

**SO REVIEW AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK. SERIOUSLY. YOU'LL GET ON MY SUPER-SPECIAL AWESOME LIST OF REVIEWERS!**

**As Nike would say, JUST DO IT!**

**Alright, list of amazing people who deserve nothing but complete awesomeness:**

**mtzBEN, Wilted_Luna, NerdySkeleton, yarra, myheartstillbleedsforyou, ForeverDay, cOborski, RainOrTears, EBM, belfan, and I-Am-Not-A-Mushi-Master(cool name btw!).**

**The winner of this chapter's contest (because now there's going to be one for every chapter) is . . . (DRUM ROLL) . . . Ru-Doragon!**

**Epic win for your ability to make me squeal with delight that people actually like this story that much. Your epic prize is . . . SNEAK PREVIEW TO CHAPTER SIX! Yes, my commentators, all those who win will be bestowed with a darling little excerpt from the next chapter of DiD Too. YAY INCENTIVE! So please present to me your email and I will forward the story to you, yes?**

**Oh yeah, I completely forget to keep doing this, but now I'm actually going to reply to your sweet questions:**

**To EBM's 2nd question (I assume the first one was answered in this chapter): I don't even know yet . . . *smiles evilly* You'll just have to figure it out for yourself!**

**mtzBEN: YES! THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I MEANT! I was trying to figure it out, and it was annoying me because I couldn't. So kudos to you. And good theory but unfortunately wrong:**

**myfriendscallmecrazy: I honestly have no idea whether it's legal or not. I was just imagining Beckett being kind of sarcastic-defensive-ish (I'm modeling him after my friend's little brother, who would say something EXACTLY like that).**

**I-Am-Not-A-Mushi-Master: It's complicated. The simple answer is no, it's not, but more will be revealed in the next chapter *cackles***

**And I forget who asked this, but someone asked since the twins are 10 (actually, in this story they're 9) shouldn't Artemis be 20-something? My answer is that the twins were just born earlier in Artemis's life for this story; they've been around a bit longer, I mean.**

**REVIEW YOUR ASSES OFF! . . . please?**

**Hallelujah!**

**Love, charley**


	6. Author's Note

To my dearest readers:

There is a problem. A big one. My laptop has ceased to work. I own a netbook(mini computer), and one day it decided that it wouldn't work. Well, actually that's not true. It just doesn't register that is plugged in, for some reason. So it has absolutely zero power. But I'm sure you don't care about this! You want a story. Thank Ra (yes I am thanking an Egyptian god) that Ru-Doragon won the contest. I was able to email it to her and she and I both have the first half of the rough draft. I probably should have used G-mail to save the documents . . . :P

I just got a newsflash that my computer is going to be shipped back to Dell and they have to evaluate it and stuff. It's just the battery, they said, but there is a possibility I could lose everything on my hard drive. Which doesn't make a lot of sense, because what does the battery have to do with the hard drive! I mean, really.

So I will be rewriting, which will take quite a while. This chapter is HUGE. A lot of important stuff happens. I know, I'm very descriptive. I'm really sorry! Apparently the computer gods are unhappy with me. I wish my computer was working. I miss it :*(

Another thing. I don't know how long the evaluation will take. If it's not back by spring break (which is Friday April 2nd for _moi_) then I will be without my computer for another two weeks. I won't be writing too much during that time (it's spring break in Florida! What do you expect?) but even so . . .

So you probably will not see Chapter 6 for a really long time. If you do . . . then you will know a miracle has happened. I have to use the family computer, which is coincidentally used by everyone in the family. My typing chances will be slim(very slim), especially with annoying brothers, but I WILL PREVAIL!!

I'm sorry. Hopefully there will still be _some _readers left when I return. Don't stop the reviews! Just because I can't type doesn't mean I'm not still patrolling fanfiction dot net at regular intervals! (Well, hopefully regular.)Which doesn't make a lot of sense, but I will be there.

Fly away, my birdies. Keep reading.

Love (with all my writing heart) Charley:)

P.S. I guess it's only fair to tell you the name of Chapter 6. It's called _I Think I Know You Guys . . . _and if you can guess what's going to happen and which character will be which, I will possibly send you what Ru-Doragon received . . . A SNEAK PEAK OF CHAPTER 6!!! So, incentive! Keep reviewing! Love you guys!


	7. Chapter 6 Part 1

A/N(It's coming before the disclaimer so you know it's important): Kay, for all you fanfic police people out there, this is NOT a crossover. I repeat, NOT a crossover. You may see names in there that are familiar to you. That's fine. IT'S NOT A CROSSOVER. (Actually, it sort of is, but it's just so many different stories that it can't be classified as just one crossover. Savvy?) Oh, and prepare for hugely long-ass A/N at the bottom.

Disclaimer: I have not been given the rights to use these stories by . . . Eoin Colfer, Bill Watterson, Rick Riordan, Kazuki Takahashi, Stephanie Meyer, Brad Bird, Butch Hartman and (possibly) Bisco Hatori. Oh, whoops! Did I forgot to mention all those authors in the beginning? Silly me! (These people won't be appearing until later chapters but I don't want to have to repeat myself every disclaimer, okay?)

Chapter 6

I Think I Know You Guys . . . (Part I)

Artemis took a deep breath and braced himself for the consequences of what he was about to do. He opened his closet. No clothes fell on top of him. In fact, it was remarkably clean compared to the rest of his room. But the clothes _inside_ it! Hideous! Unfit for wearing, in his opinion. Maybe they would work as rags. There was only ONE suit, for German alternative rock band's sake! It wasn't even designer. Not even close. Artemis pawed through a (rather small) rack of the nicer-looking clothing. Slacks, collars, ties, and good jackets greeted him. He knew exactly what he wanted to wear - but he also knew that this closet didn't hold it. Well, he wasn't going to need a suit anyways, he was going outside.

Why did he forget that in first place? It was like as soon as he had been forced into this . . . alternate dimension, whatever other person had been here before him had become part of him. It was weird, and it definitely wasn't something he could explain, which just frustrated him. Artemis shook his head. Strange things were happening to him here. He pushed it out of his mind and headed downstairs.

***

"Artemis, hurry up!"

"Yeah, Holly's probably gone by now!"

"Will you just wait five minutes?" shouted Artemis, thoroughly annoyed with his younger brothers. Honestly, just because they thought he was someone who had lived here his whole life didn't mean he was. Wait, what?

He pulled on his ridiculous excuse for gloves and ran out the door, before remembering he had forgotten to brush his teeth. He groaned loudly and turned around. At this rate, Holly was probably gone by now. Or she was going to come in to his house and drag him out by the ear. Either way, Holly was going to pissed. Artemis dashed upstairs to the bathroom and looked in the mirror properly for the first time. He very nearly screamed. As it was, he stifled a rather girly shriek behind his hands. His hair was smoother, like silk, and curved naturally in a diagonal line, curling up at the edges and dipping near his shoulders. His eyes were the same mismatched colors of blue and hazel, but they were an almost unnatural bright color, as though he were wearing contacts, even though he knew he wasn't wearing any.

Artemis took off the gloves and rubbed his eyes just to make sure. He rummaged through the cabinet behind the mirror before locating a electric toothbrush with ARTY scrawled on it in black Sharpie. Artemis raised his eyebrow at this. What idiot had done this? He wasn't five. Artemis then realized that he was probably the idiot that had done this. Oh well. He pulled out a tube of Crest toothpaste he found in the cabinet. He opened his mouth to shove the toothbrush in his mouth and - OH MY GOD.

What was that inside his mouth? It couldn't be!

Artemis bared his teeth to make sure. _Oh, Frond, no, _he found himself thinking._ I do not have braces. How could have I missed this? _

Navy blue chains adorned his top and bottom teeth. Artemis angled his head every which way to examine them. They were on every tooth. A memory pricked the roof of his mouth. Germany . . . a internationally famous painting . . . a key in the roof of his mouth . . . Images flashed in front front of his eyes and flickered just out of reach.

The only good thing about the braces was that he barely felt anything. They weren't very noticable. But they were _braces_! Artemis Fowl, with _braces_?!

He groaned loudly. Everything was so backwards here! A sudden wave of homesickness swept over him. He missed Butler's cooking. He missed Fowl Manor. He missed his brothers and his real mom and dad and his computers and his genius I.Q. (which he could practically feel dropping by the minute) and Ireland and his money and the ocean that was never too far away . . .

He groaned again and started brushing his teeth. When he was done, he wiped his face on a towel and headed outside, grabbing his black gloves on the way out.

He couldn't find any snow pants earlier, so he had swallowed his pride and put on a pair of jeans, layered with long johns underneath. The jeans were tight and he completely hated them. His coat was grey with some brand name, and his hat was brown with a lid on it, like a baseball cap or something. In his opinion, the whole getup was fairly ridiculous. But it was the only thing he had.

Finally, Artemis made it outside, and finally got a good look at where he was. It was a cul-de-sac, with only four other houses. It led out into another road, but he couldn't tell whether it led out into a highway or another part of the neighborhood from his point of view. He turned around, blinded by snow, which gathered on his eyelashes and the tips of his hair that wouldn't cram under his hat. A huge evergreen forest dominated behind the houses. He was breathless with whole simple beauty of it.

He whirled around, trying to take in everything. The snow was so pretty . . . Artemis glanced around to make sure no one was watching and stuck his tongue out. Of course, as soon as he had done this, he heard someone tramping in the snow, apparently trying to be quiet, but failing. Artemis tried to turn around with his tongue still stuck out, and the result was one of the twins tackling him to the ground, with his tongue still out, receiving a face full of wet snow. "I got him!" crowed Beckett, wiggling on top of Artemis's back. "I got him, guys!" Artemis could hear footsteps in the snow somewhere behind him. So he did the only thing he could - EPIC MANEUVER!!

Artemis shot up quickly, arching his back so Beckett was flung into the snow. He ripped his gloves off and wiped the snow out of his face, spitting out a few pieces of ice. His eyes were full of wet and cold and he couldn't see. Artemis could hear Beckett laughing wildly with Myles somewhere in the background. He rubbed his eyes vigorously and was greeted by Holly standing over him, hands on her hips. She gave him a glare, but he could tell that she wasn't serious. (At least, he hoped she wasn't serious.)

Artemis grinned and propped his chin on his hands, feeling very brave. "Hey," he said nonchalantly. "What's up?"Holly grabbed his wrist and yanked him up to sitting position. She wasn't strong enough to bring him to his feet. "Look, Arty - Artemis. Do you want to die tomorrow? Is that what you want?"

A/N: First of all, I'm very sorry for leaving you guys off like that. Remember when I told you that I had to ship my computer off to Dell? Well, they decided that it would be a good idea to WIPE MY ENTIRE HARD DRIVE. EVERY SINGLE THING. It was all gone. I was practically crying. Anyways, it took me awhile to re-set up my computer, and even then, I was still lazy about it. So, yeah, sorry about that.

About the chapter - it's going to be really long. So I've decided to split it unto multiple parts. I know this is a crappy kind of "What the hell, why is she only posting this chapter, blah blah blah," thing, so just bear with me. I'm sooorrry):

Oh, and about the mistake with Spelltropy - MY BAD! *facepalms* I was thinking of Arty's mom, not Holly's. Thanks to all the people who reminded me.

Thank you so much for keeping with me. Your reviews are what keep me going. Even if it's a "This story is lame, you're lame, BYE!" I still scream with delight every time I get one.

Mah speshal revyuwahs: Captain Holly Short of The LEP, Ru-Doragon, yarra, ForeverDay, saberstorm, WolfRaisins, ZeZe123, Artemis Fowl the mastermind, shy guy, TexasDreamer01, and Holly-Rose Fowl-Casson. Y'ALL ARE THE BEST!!

I'm putting up a poll - should I put an A/N every other chapter or no? I just think they're becoming too much and I hate long A/N's, even though I do them all the time. SO VOTE NOW ON MY PROFILE!

love, charley:)


	8. Chapter 6 Part 2

ENTER GENERIC DISCLAIMER

Chapter 6

I Think I know You Guys . . . (Part 2)

_Holly grabbed his wrist and yanked him up to sitting position. She wasn't strong enough to bring him to his feet. "Look, Arty - Artemis. Do you want to die tomorrow? Is that what you want?"  
_

"No, I kind of like my life the way it is. You know, living?" Artemis answered, his body slowly sinking into the snow.

Holly shook her head, bending over to meet his gaze. "Well, it won't stay like that if you don't _hurry the hell up. _We have things to do, secrets to keep, people to meet."

Artemis flashed her a grin. It felt good to smile (although the feeling was slightly ruined by his new-old braces*). "Let's get go - AH!"

One of the twins plowed into his back, knocking his forehead into Holly's. She stumbled a bit, but managed not to fall.

"Freaking monkeys, that hurt!" Holly exclaimed, rubbing her forehead. Artemis, who was also in the process of rubbing his head, snickered. _Freaking monkeys?_

Holly glared at him. "Something funny, Artemis?" Artemis opened his mouth to answer, then thought better of it, opting to smile brightly instead.

Suddenly, something knocked into his ear, and he jumped, twisting around to look at Myles. He gave a Artemis a lopsided grin.

"My bad?" he offered. Artemis grinned right back, pretended to look scared, and scooted away so he wouldn't become a target again. Myles pretended to look hurt.

Holly chuckled at them, wading through the snow to grab Myles and tickle him mercilessly. He screamed and laughed, trying to catch his breath while the snow fell around them.

Artemis watched the scene as a bystander, drawing his knees up to his chest in an attempt to warm himself from the sudden cold he felt.

Holly let go of Myles and let him push her into the snow, where Beckett joined Myles in falling on top of her face first. She laughed and bear-hugged them both, and they snuggled into her. Myles and Beckett twisted around to watch the snow fall, their faces looking upward and getting covered with snow.

It was such an adorable sight, the three of them, enjoying a snow day like this, like brothers and sister.

Artemis suddenly felt very lonely.

"Okay," Holly said. "Let's go over this one more time."

The four kids were grouped in the garage, listening intently to Holly's plan. They kneeled around a an old crate, using it as a table. Beckett's head was currently slumped on it, his arms wrapped around his head.

"Why are we doing this?" complained Myles.

"This is boooooring!" whined Beckett in a muffled voice. He sat up and put his head in his chin.

"I'm cold. Let's go inside."

"Can we go inside _now_?"

"We should make hot chocolate!"

"I don't wanna walk across half the neighborhood!"

Holly banged her fist on the crate, making Beckett jump back. She glared at the twins. "Shut up and pay attention. Now - "

She was interrupted by a huge yawn from Myles. Artemis immediately slapped a hand over Myles's mouth. And nodded at Holly. He was rewarded by a tongue licking his glove, which, luckily, he hadn't taken off.

Holly began to speak. "Now, our first objective – getting familiar with the layout of the neighborhood."

Artemis rubbed his slimy hand on Myles's back, only half-listening. Myles just grinned at him, unperterbed.

"That's going to take much too long, so I just printed out a sort of map thingamijig. I numbered all the houses so I can quiz you later, okay?" Artemis's attention focused back on Holly as she pulled a folded piece of paper from one of the many pockets on her snowpants and handed it to him. It was slightly warm from being in her pocket.

Artemis took the paper. It was a Google Earth satellite image of the neighborhood. Holly had put little numbers by each house, one through twenty-four.

He continued to stare at it, trying to memorize it, until Holly nudged him with his foot.

"So, what do you think? Good, huh?"

He looked up. "Thanks, Holly. I really appreciate it." Artemis smiled at her. He glanced back down at the paper, his smile fading. "How did you print this? You don't live in this little cul-de-sac, do you?"

Holly drew her legs in so she was sitting criss-cross. "No, I live in the one right across from yours. In Maelid Court. It's the first house on the left."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

There was an awkward pause. Holly sighed. "You don't know how weird this is, Arty – er, Artemis."

Artemis looked up at her. Oh, and she thought that she knew _weird_? He resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

Holly continued to talk. "You and I became friends when we were . . . hmm, I think we were in the same kindergarden class. We went to the same preschool, I think, but we weren't in the same class."

Artemis leaned in, intrigued.

Holly noticed this, and grinned at him. "Yeah, we became friends in kindergarden, because our moms coordinated with stuff, like cookouts and carpools. Your mom used to drive us to school. And you _hated_ sitting in your car seat. You put up such a tantrum one day that we were late to school."

Her gaze misted, lost in the memories. "In first grade, we got teased so much for being together – you know boy and girl cootie thing – that we kind of drifted apart. I don't know about you, but I came home on the bus almost every day crying. We didn't sit together on the bus, not in first grade, so I got picked on so much more than you. I think it was because you had some other friends, and at the time I really didn't have anybody but you. And everybody was teasing me so bad on that week, and then – then you joined in, you said you never wanted to be my friend in the first place, that you hated me, and it was so horrible."

Her voice choked a little, and for a second Artemis thought she was going to cry. But then she smiled and shook her head, playing with her hair and staring at the crate.

"It was a long time ago. And there was this huge long make-up thing, I don't even remember. I just remember being so happy. I do remember that my mom and your mom bullied the principal into making the kids on our bus. And you stood up for me, and said some stuff . . ." Holly laughed.

"I really don't remember what happened. But for the rest of elementary school, we were _thisclose_." She twirled two of her fingers together to show him.

"We were like brother and sister, Arty, always going over each other's houses and eating each other's food. We played together so much . . . we were so dependent on each other. We told each other secrets we kept for life and we barely ever fought."

Holly giggled a little, blushing. "And . . . um . . .er . . . we used to change clothes around each other too. Only when we were little, though." she added quickly. Artemis blushed too. Wow. That was kind of embarrasing. At least they didn't take baths together. He shivered a little at the thought.

"So . . . middle school. In sixth grade we made so many friends . . . my friends were your friends and vice versa. We weren't entirely dependent on each other anymore. We were still close friends, it just wasn't like we were glued together anymore. It was like . . . the glue was dissolving and being replaced with something more flexible. Like honey or rubber."

Holly leaned back and propped her feet up on the crate. Artemis pushed them off, smirking at her, then put his own feet there. Holly pretended to gasp in mock hurt and put her feet in between his. They fit perfectly. And when Holly and Artemis both realized this, they laughed.

After a couple minutes of giggling and gasping for breath, Holly resumed speaking, wiping imaginary tears of mirth from her eyes.

"Anyways . . . oh! I forgot to tell you. Me and you have been playing soccer and lacrosee since forever." Holly looked pleased with herself for remembering.

"I quit lacrosse in seventh and you quit soccer in eighth, cause we both started in third or second second grade. You're a pretty popular guy at school, Arty. You play lacrosse, you work at the mall, you're in the NAHS . . . "

Artemis looked at Holly. "NAHS? And . . . I work? "

Holly laughed at his expression. "Yes, Arty, you work. At PacSun. You know what that is, right? Pacific Sunwear?"

Artemis frowned. He hadn't actually ever heard of it. He didn't really put his investments in American teenage clothing stores.

"And the NAHS is National Art Honors Society. You're really good at drawing."

That wasn't too far from the truth, Artemis thought. He wasn't too bad of an artisit back at Fowl Manor. But why shouldn't he have have been? He was a genius, after all.

Holly yawned, and pulled back her sleeve with some difficulty to look at her watch. "Geez, it's almost two o'clock. If we want to meet everyone in the neighborhood, we'd better get going. I'll tell you our life story later. Come on!"

She sat up and looked around. "Where did the tw – never mind. They probably went inside for hot chocolate. Let's get going."

Artemis nodded and stood up. "Where to first?"

Holly looked at him. "Help me up first?"

Artemis rolled his eyes, but extended his arm, and, with some difficulty, hoisted Holly up. She jumped up and didn't let go of his hand, but instead pulled him out of the garage into the snow.

"Whoa! Holly, slow down!" Artemis yelled, yanking her back and causing her to fall back on his chest with a small squeal. Artemis fell down with their combined weight and crashed into the snow behind him. Holly landed right on top of him, thudding on top of his chest with a collective "Oof!" from both teens.

Holly raised her arms up slightly so she was nose to nose with Artemis, their chests barely brushing. They stared into each other's eyes for what seemed like an eternity, heads bent, growing closer to one another –

Holly suddenly blushed and rolled off of him. Artemis rolled over so he was kneeling over, the snow falling on his back. His breath came in short puffs of vapor, quick quick.

Had Holly been about to kiss him . . . ?

"Erm," Holly said in slightly high pitched voice. He turned at the sound of her voice. "I'll just wait at the end of the driveway. Don't forget the paper and, um, get the tobbagan. Please."

She scrambled up and started to wade quickly through the snow, leaving Artemis alone in the snow, wondering what had just happened.

**A/N: Nice cliffy, huh? So, this is only part two of a three part chapter, so expect a third Chapter 6. **

**Okay, so if you look at where the reviews are, you will see that I reviewed my own story. Well, no. That was not me. I'm not a narcissist. My brother decided he wanted to leave a review on my story, but failed to notice that I was still SIGNED IN. The little monkey. Just clarifying that I did NOT review my own story.**

**The most awesome people EVAR:**

**NerdySkeleton, Ru-Doragon, Forever Day, Holly-Rose Fowl-Casson, AOA, WolfRaisins, AliceCloneoftheworld, and lil. Love ya'll!**

**ForeverDay: Okay, I know. I have braces too. But it was an important element to the story which I wanted to add earlier, but kinda forgot about . . . I had to fit it in somewhere! :P**

**AOA: Just PM me if you're still confused!**

**Please review. I really do appreciate each and every review.**

**love, charley:)**

**P.S. I finally used bold! Yay(:**


	9. Chapter 6 Part 3

Disclaimer: Don't own it . . . no matter how much I wish I could . . . -sigh-

Chapter 6 Part 3

I Think I Know You Guys . . .

Artemis angrily stuffed the paper in his pocket and walked out the door. He wasn't even sure _why_ he was angry. Something had just happened between them, that he was sure of. But he wasn't sure what.

He grabbed a plastic toboggan off a wall and threw it into the snow outside the garage, where it hit with a dull thud.

Artemis stared at it, the anger boiling in his chest. He was just so . . . so . . .

"AARGH!" he yelled, completely at loss. Why was so so mad, why did he hate so much right now, why, why, why?

Artemis thought seriously for a second. Which he hadn't actually done since he had first arrived here.

He wasn't mad at Holly. That he was sure of. He couldn't hate someone he loved.

He was mad at himself. Because this life, no matter if it was a some sort of weird dream or not, wasn't real. And therefore he knew it would never happen, and Holly would never love him, never could, and . . . and . . .

Artemis took a deep, calming breath. There was no reason to lose his head. No reason at all. Absolutely no reason whatsoever. He was completely calm. He was not in any way angry at anybody. Especially not himself. Of course not. In no way was he angry.

Artemis took another breath and walked outside to the toboggan, which was quietly gathering snow in a corner. He grabbed the string and dragged it beside him as he waded through the snow. He could see somewhat to the end of the end of the driveway. One was obviously a mailbox, while the other was most likely Holly.

Finally, he reached the end of driveway, where Holly had constructed a little seat for herself out of snow. She was sitting in it, her head in her hands. A light layer of snow dusted her back.

Artemis stared at her, waiting for her to realize he was standing there. Surely she had heard him approach. He'd probably made enough noise, shuffling around in the snow. It was hard to walk, let alone sneak around. He stared at her back, trying to make her notice him.

After a couple minutes of failed telekinesis, Artemis tapped Holly on the shoulder.

"Do you feel alright?" he asked, as though she had gotten physically hurt.

Holly looked up. She wasn't crying. She just looked . . . tired.

She looked him in the eye. "Do you ever have that feeling that like whatever you do, you're still doing something wrong?"

Artemis wasn't sure what Holly meant by that. Was she talking about them or something else? Was she still sad about her mother? Had he said something?

He decided to just go along with it. _Act like a teenager,_ he reminded himself. _Talk in slang. Shouldn't be too hard._

"Um . . . yeah. Sometimes." he answered hesitantly.

Holly just sighed and looked away, as if she knew he was making it up for her.

Which was only halfway true. In Fowl Manor, when his father had been missing, and his mother was losing his mind . . . well, it hadn't been all peaches and cream. He let his gaze unfocus, thinking of the days before he had captured the captain.

Holly glanced at him quickly. He was looked a little lost, judging from his faraway expression. She felt a little bad for acting all depressing on him, but he just didn't understand! How was she supposed to feel if her best friend suddenly claimed he had gone on all these crazy adventures with her, like how he was a criminal mastermind, and she was an elf, and Foaly was a centaur in some alternate universe, apparently.

No, wait. _This _world was the alternate universe, the messed up place that didn't actually exist. _His _world was the real one. With the fairies living underground and all, which of _course_ makes _perfect_ sense.

According to Artemis, she did not exist (as a human) there. Nonexistence of Holly Short. What a scary thought.

It was _so_ crazy. But that was just it. It was so crazy, Holly just didn't think he could make all of that up. The Arty she knew would have told if he was going to make up all those stories. It would've taken him weeks to make all that stuff up.

Right now, his gaze was so far away. And he looked so sad. Holly found herself staring at him, straight out, without even realizing it.

Of course, Artemis could feel her eyes putting holes in his head. He wasn't stupid. He pretended to snap out of it and looked at her. She didn't blush and turn away. She just averted her eyes, as though she had just intruded on something private.

"Let's get going," Artemis said firmly. "I need to meet everyone if you're going to quiz me."

Holly shook her head a little, brushing her auburn bangs out of her face. She smiled. "You're right. Let's go."

She stood up and glanced at the toboggan. "Oh yeah, forgot about that thing. You're going to have to carry me in that, you know." she said matter-of-factually, as though this was what to be expected of him.

Artemis pretended to be outraged. "What? I'm not carrying you in _that _or anything." He grinned. "You're too fat, anyways."

Holly's mouth dropped open. "You little-" She jumped on his back, surprising him completely and sending him sprawling in the snow. Holly wiggled on top of his back while he tried his best not to inhale the snow.

"This seat is so comfortable, I think I'll just dig my elbows into it!" she said menacingly, leaning forward to do so.

Artemis found out that her elbows in fact were very pointy and sharp.

Artemis dragged Holly behind him in the toboggan. Holly had won the fight, but according to her that was the first one she had won in years. Go figure.

"Where are we going first?" he asked her, trying not to sound like this was the heaviest thing he had ever carried in his life. It wasn't too hard, actually, with the muscles and all, but he wasn't accustomed to them and really didn't know his own strength. Occasionally Holly would be jerked forward by accident.

"Um . . ." she glanced around, looking at the nearest street sign, which read _Maelid Court_. "This one's mine, but no other high schoolers live there . . . "

Artemis turned and looked at her. "Shouldn't I get to know _everybody_? I mean, isn't that what's important?"

Holly shook her head. "It doesn't clear the top of my to-do list, which is _your _to-do list. Anyways, most of the kids will be outside by now. We can just wave to them and stuff. And if you have a . . . serious encounter with somebody, fake your way through it as much as you can. I'll try and come over more often so if someone comes over, I can, like, whisper the info to you or something."

Artemis didn't think that plan would work out so well. The neighbors would probably notice something. When someone's whispering in your ear to tell you stuff to say to someone you've known your whole life, it might sound a little suspicious.

Just a little.

"Okay then! Onward, my noble steed!" Holly shouted, and Artemis laughed and started to pick up the pace. Thank God the roads had been cleared. There was still a packed layer of snow underneath them, but it was way easier to run on that instead a foot-and-a-half of uncleared snow that was everywhere else.

He jogged through the main street, which seemed to connect to many of the other neighborhood courts like his and Holly's.

"So, where are we going?" he asked her, slowing down. He was breathing hard, and the was starting to feel a little hot in his snow coat.

"My house, right here. You passed it. Go back a little. You can meet Foaly. I think his girlfriend's there, too. Callie, I think her name was." Holly said, gesturing to the court behind them.

Artemis turned around with some difficulty and walked slowly toward the little group of houses.

Finally, they reached the court.

Artemis tried to guess in his mind which one was Holly's, but really, there wasn't any identifying signs. Just a couple of huge houses. Not quite mansions, and nowhere near manors.

Holly pointed at one of the houses. "That's mine. The brick house with the black shutters." She pointed at one of the houses on the left.

Artemis obediently headed the house and went around to the closed garage, which took a couple minutes, because nobody had bothered to shovel. Artemis approached the garage. There was a keypad on the side. He turned to Holly, whose eyes were closed.

"Holly . . . "

"Can you open the garage for me? Pretty please?" she said without opening her eyes.

Artemis rolled his eyes in annoyance. "I don't know the code."

Holly opened her eyes and sat up, brushing the hair out of her face. "Sorry. I forgot. It's 843."

Artemis tapped the numbers and the garage opened to reveal a near-spotless garage. A shiny silver Corolla sat in the middle.

Holly rolled off the sled and stood up. "Let's go inside. You can meet Foaly." she said, walking inside without looking behind to see if he was following.

Artemis sighed and kicked the toboggan into the garage, accidentally hitting the car. He jumped a little.

"Whoops." he muttered, walking toward the garage door.

He opened the door, tripping a little on the steps – and couldn't believe what he saw.

.

.

.

**A/N: Review! Review!** **R****eview!**

**these guys know what's up: ****riceforce, Magiske-Fingerer, Holly-Rose Fowl-Casson, ForeverDay, myfriendscallmecrazy, and Ru-Doragon:)**

**Come on guys! Review!**

**Oh, and I promise that this is the last Chapter 6. Really. **

**ForeverDay: WRONG! It's for a completely different reason (although that could be possible in upcoming chapters . . . -grins evilly-)**

**I feel like I need to explain this. Okay, Artemis is going to slowly become more and more OOC. "Arty" is slowly becoming part of Artemis. Does that make sense . . . ? Tell me in a review!**


	10. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: This man refuses to give the rights to Artemis Fowl! It's astounding!

Chapter 7

I've Kinda Stopped Being Surprised Now

Artemis opened the door, tripping a little on the steps – and couldn't believe what he saw.

Holly was _sobbing_ – for the second time that day – and hugging a man in a U.S. Marines uniform. She was gripping him as though he was her only hope, saying his name over and over again. The man was gripping her back just as hard.

"James! Oh, James! James, oh my God! James!" Holly wailed into his shoulder. Neither of them took any notice to Artemis, who quickly recovered from his shock and decided to just go along with it. It was what he had been doing all day, and seemed to work pretty well in most of the situations he found himself in.

Artemis closed the door behind him and kicked off his boots in a pile near the door. Another man was lounging by the counter, coffee cup in hand. He turned when Artemis closed the door.

_Whoa, _thought Artemis, the beginnings of a smile forming on his face. _That's pretty weird. _

"Hey," said Foaly, waving. "What's up?" Artemis just shook his head and smiled.

"Nothing much." he said nonchalantly, but inside was dying to ask him _so_ many questions.

James finally stood up, Holly holding tightly to his hand. Artemis noticed that his right leg was encased in a cast. Holly's face was tear streaked, but she was smiling brightly.

"You remember James, Arty, right? My _cousin_?" she said in a tone that said just-play-along-or-you're-going-to-get-it.

"Yeah," he said slowly, trying to act like a teenager and remember who this person was at the same time. "I remember."

James laughed. His laugh sounded just like Holly's, only deeper. "It's okay if you don't remember, Arty. It's been a while." His voice was a pleasant baritone, and something stirred in Artemis's memories. He knew that voice. He _knew _this person.

"No, I remember," Artemis insisted, as James took his hand and started shaking it.

"I won't hug you, because you're a man now, Arty," he said, smiling, while Artemis resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

Holly, who was at the sink washing her face, laughed. Foaly nudged her.

James released Artemis's hand, and Artemis stared at him. Now that he looked closely, it was blindingly obvious that James was related to Holly. He could've passed off as her brother. His hair was the same exact shade of reddish-brown as Holly's. Their faces had the same petite (ironically) fairy – like shape, though on him it looked much more masculine.

Artemis wondered why he hadn't noticed it earlier. James turned and went to pick up two HUGE duffel bags by the hallway.

Something wet dripped on his his neck. Artemis whirled around to see Holly innocently wiping her hands on a dish towel.

"You're allowed to take your coat off, you know," she said, without turning around. Artemis rolled his eyes, but shrugged his coat off.

Holly turned around and clapped her hands. "Here!" Artemis tossed his coat over a kitchen island, and Holly caught it neatly, walking away to put it in a closet. "Oh, and make sure you get all the ice off your shirt. You're dripping on the floor." she called over her shoulder.

"Artemis!" Foaly called. "Do you want some coffee? Or hot chocolate?"

Artemis shrugged and hoisted himself onto the kitchen island, shaking the crusted ice off his sleeve and into the sink next to him. "Whatever's easiest," he said casually. "I – don't care."

"Coffee it is," Foaly said, getting the ready-made coffee pot. He filled the mug as Artemis dislodged the last clumps of ice from his shirt.

"Thanks," Artemis said gratefully as Foaly handed him the cup.

"Oh, I forgot to ask. Do you want any milk or sugar in it?" Foaly asked, opening the fridge.

"A little milk, please," he said, brushing the remaining snow off his shirt. At Fowl Manor, he usually drank his coffee straight up. But that was because his coffee was usually imported Island of St. Helena – whole bean. So he had opted out of the milk. Plus, he had never actually tried coffee with milk.

He held out his cup as Foaly poured some milk in, and nodded for him to stop. Holly came back into the kitchen, eyes widening at the drink.

"Ooh! Is that coffee? Can I have some?" she asked Foaly, who laughed.

"I thought this was your house," he said, chuckling. "But yes, you can have some." Holly put her hands on her hips, pretending to be angry.

"Well, I thought you were my legal guardian. But I guess, at what, twenty-six? Twenty-seven? You're still not mature enough, either." she said, sticking her tongue out.

Foaly pretended to look hurt as Artemis sipped his coffee, amused by their banter.

"Oh, like you're so mature, Holly. Sticking your tongue out, yeah, that's a real sign that you've grown up." he said, leaning on the counter. Holly just rolled her eyes.

"Whatever. Where's Callie?" she asked, imitating his posture. Now it was Foaly's turn to roll his eyes.

"It's _Caballine_, Holly, not _Callie._ And she's in the upstairs bathroom." Foaly replied.

"Actually, she allows _me_, her soon-to-be-cousin, to call her so, because we have a close _sisterly bond_," Holly said pointedly, grinning.

"Wait, you . . . guys aren't married yet?" Artemis blurted out.

"Uh, _no_," Foaly said, like it should be obvious. "You were there when we got engaged at the Christmas Party, remember? We're getting married in August." Artemis was startled. Foaly and Caballine were already married in his world, having gotten "hitched" while he and Holly were stuck in the  
Hydras.

_You were missing for three years then, _said a voice in the back of his head. _You were never gone here._

"Foaly!" a woman's voice called from upstairs.

"Yes?" Foaly called back.

"Are you making coffee? I can smell it up here!"

"Yep!"

"Will you pour me a cup, honey? I'll be down in a few seconds!"

"Sure thing, darling," Foaly yelled, moving toward the coffee pot.

"Hi, Callie!" Holly called, apparently trying to carry a conversation across the house.

"Holly!" Caballine yelled, excited. There was the sound of someone running down the stairs, and then the hallway.

A pretty blonde woman with glasses flew into the room, spotted Holly, and shrieked.

"Holly! I haven't seen you in months!" she cried, hugging her tightly. Holly grinned and hugged her back just as tightly.

Artemis watched with amusement. He had never met Caballine, but he could easily imagine her as a centaur. She was a bit of a spazz, though.

"Is that Arty Fowl?" Caballine asked, delighted. Artemis hopped down from the counter to greet her.

" I haven't seen you since the Christmas party, almost two months ago!" she said, hugging him around the shoulders. Holly was in her other arm, and she grinned at Artemis. Foaly came up from behind and slung his arm around Caballine, resting his other hand on Artemis's shoulder.

"We're just one big happy family, aren't we?" Caballine said, (overly happy in Artemis's opinion) drawing them all close, and Artemis felt a strange sense of betrayal in his chest. But it died quickly, to be replaced with a sense of belonging.

Just then, there was a loud thump, and a yell. Everybody jumped.

"I think that's James!" Holly said worriedly, pulling out of Caballine's grasp and dashing out of the kitchen.

"I'd better go see what's wrong," Foaly said, following after Holly, albeit a bit more slowly, but not by much. Artemis trailed after him, leaving Caballine alone in the kitchen.

He could hear Holly pounding down the hallway, with Foaly right behind her and Artemis jogging hesitantly behind.

Holly skidded to a halt in front of a door and threw it open, slamming it against the wall. Foaly and Artemis jumped at the noise.

"There's no need to be so dramatic, Holly," Foaly muttered, peering into the door. Artemis couldn't see anything through Foaly, and tried to stand on his tiptoes, but with no avail.

A gray tabby casually wandered out of the room, brushing by Artemis's legs. Artemis stared at it, feeling he knew exactly what had just happened.

He suddenly felt a strong, unexplicable urge to pick it up and pet it. So he chased after the silly creature and gently scooped it up. The cat didn't have any complaints, and actually snuggled up against him, purring. Artemis wasn't as surprised as he thought he would be about that.

The cat's name tag jingled as he walked down the hallway, and he stopped to examine it. It was a basically a military dog tag, with some numbers on it, the sign for female (the circle with the little cross attached to the bottom) and the name RIVER in all caps.

Artemis situated River so she was sitting comfortably in his arms and hurried awkwardly down the hallway.

He stepped into the room. Foaly was leaning against flat-screen TV, which was on, but muted. He was trying to hold back a laugh, judging by his expression.

Holly was laughing hysterically on the bed, with James looking duly embarrassed.

"May I inquire . . . I mean, what's going on?" Artemis said, pretending like he was a completely normal teenager.

James scratched the back of his head. "I – we – my troop and I – rescued this cat from Iraq. She was hiding in a destroyed bomb shelter with some dead women; apparently she sensed the bomb coming, but either the women didn't listen or it was too late. She was found underneath their bodies, presumed dead." he said somberly. By this time Holly had stopped laughing, and let out a small gasp.

"We called her River because the house she was found next to was really close to one, the Tigris, I think. It was in Samarra, that I do know. We took her back to our camp – she was so friendly, and she loved our troop so much. So she could sense when the bombs or missiles or tanks – basically anything unfriendly – was approaching. She saved our lives so many times. I don't think I'd be here today if it wasn't for her. (1) Anyways, to make a long story short, she must've sneaked into my bag. She has got to be _dying _right now." James said forlornly, reaching out for River.

Artemis quickly handed the cat over. He hadn't realized she was so hungry, but he didn't really know how to tell when a cat is hungry – besides the obvious way, of course.

"We have some tuna in the fridge. I'll go and help you," Foaly said, hurrying after James as he left the room.

Holly got off the bed. "Wow. That was pretty kooky. But I think they're going to be okay." she said, turning around to fix the wrinkles she had made on the bed.

Artemis nodded, sitting on the wooden chest/bench that was at the end of the bed. "I didn't know you had a cousin, Holly." he said, slightly accusative.

Holly turned around and put her hand on her hips. "Actually, you kind of did." She grinned, letting him know she was joking.

Artemis shrugged, grinning back. "Let's go find Caballine. I'm kind of hungry. Then we can resume – I mean, then we we can go to wherever we're going."

Holly nodded her agreement, and both teens left the room.

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**A/N: Yeah, it took me forever. I know. All you special nuggets out there who are already out of school are so lucky. We don't get out of school till the 23rd, and we'll be taking finals the entire time. So if you wish to murder me . . . please don't . . . because I have a valid reason. **

**(1): True story. Didn't happen to me, but I read it. Obviously I am using my creative liscense here. **

**For all of y'all who live in the British Isles, I will be journeying there this summer. So be prepared! And advice would be greatly appreciated kthx:)**

**CinderIsNotHere: Why thank you. I'm honored:)**

**MayFowl: Yes, I know, I'm terrible. But I must admit I don't know what you're talking about. **

**RandomRandomnessRules: Well, no. It's hard to explain without giving away the entire story. Use your imagination:)**

**HappyHappyJoyJoy: Thank you so much! -blushes-**

**Holly-Rose Fowl-Casson: It pleases me that you understand:)**

**Ru-Doragon: -grovels at feet- I am so sorry. I know I suck at non-cliffhangers. BUT I CAN'T HELP IT:P**

**VinyayaMinerva: That plot bunny knocked me unconcious. And thank you:)**

**Gracias a :**

**CinderIsNotHere, MayFowl, TexasDreamer01, RandomRandomnessRules, HappyHappyJoyJoy, Holly-Rose Fowl-Casson, AliceCloneOfTheWorld, ForeverDay, Ru-Doragon, y VinyayaMinerva. (Lo fue in espanol, por la forma. Lo siento por los errores y las personas que hablan en espanol. Y yo se que se me olvido la tilda.)**

**By the way, if anyone could tell me how to get those little single line break thingys, that would be very appreciated. I do it on the edit thing, shift + enter, and it shoes a half-space thing, but it doesn't show up in the stories! It's really annoying:P Help?**

**REVIEW PLEASE:)**

**love, charley:)**

**p.s. Who do you think's gonna win the World Cup (La Copa Mundal)? DID YOU SEE ARGENTINA TODAY THEY WERE EPIC!**


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